You can have your dreams, but you can't have me!
sofapizza:


tastefullyoffensive:




it wasn’t a phase
kai-ni:

fortesgospel:

So I had to move my aquarium next to my bed and now this is what I wake up to in the morning.

worms plz human
funnyand:

When dogs deliver pizzaSpecial Instruction: Send your cutest delivery boy.. I ain’t even mad!
smokinonthemoon:

blackwallflower:

airyairyquitecontrary:

PICK ME UP. RIGHT NOW. I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

Grumpy cloud

THAT IS SO CUTE I JUST DIED
unpluggedoutlet:

Like a proud father.

cyberqueer:

enemaroberts:

um I have left my bathroom door open while showering multiple times and my dad hasn’t tried to fuck me yet, why does porn lie to me like this

image


anunconsciousreality:

minfotibaken:

youre-a-fucking-disgrace:

Why does he look like he’s being fucked

Because it’s from an E.T. porno. And please don’t ask how I know that. I’ve just seen things.


Usually the alien does the probing

1103-bakers-street:

cryingbloodviolently:

redpancla:

when you get to school and realize you forgot to put on deodorant 

image

I AM SO FUCKiNG SICK OF TUMBLR

HOW THE FUCK CAN I RELATE TO THIS ARMADILDO

I DONT FUCKING KNOW BUT I CAN

I CANT TELL YOU HOW BUT I KNOW EXACTLY HOW THIS ARMADILLO FITS HERE FUCK TUMBLR YOUVE RUINED MY LIFE

armadildo

(Source: nerdjpg)